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Marriage & "the Mystery of the Church"
God's Favored Design & Foundation

Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled; but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.
Hebrews 13:4

Marriage: Made in heaven, not in courts. What "God has joined together," not judges in the courts of men which violates "the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God." (See Declaration of Independence)

God's design of marriage - The premise or foundation to be established in young adults is that God, our Creator, declares for our benefit in His creation, that His most favored design, marriage "is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled:..." (Hebrews 13:4) This was His design for a world based upon this foundation, and Nikolai Lenin understood this when he proclaimed: "Destroy the family, and the society will collapse."

"A good marriage is the union of two forgivers." Ruth Bell Graham

  Below:   God's Favored Foundational Design Marriage between one man and one woman
                Marriage - "A Great Mystery?" (Ephesians 5) "Two shall be one flesh"
               
Mark Gungor Videos A comical look at men and women.
                Marriage Advice (Dr. James Dobson, more...)
                What Jesus said about divorce
                Defending Marriage Between One Man and One Woman
                The Foundation Of Civilization And Society
                The Deception of Same-Sex Marriage "goes against nature" and teaching our children it is "normal"
                The Destruction of marriage precedes the death of a culture: Sociologists and anthropologists who have studied the death of civilizations have found that rampant sexual immorality, feminism, and homosexuality have been factors in destroying nations.
                 Further Resources

   See Also:


God's Favored Design

How God's design of marriage and the relationship between one man and one woman correlates with Christ (the bridegroom) and His Church (His bride).

Marriage God's Favored Design ("the mystery of the church") - God's design of marriage - The Bible begins and ends with a marriage.  "This is a great mystery..." (Ephesians 5:22-33) The premise or foundation to be established, especially in young adults, is that God, our Creator, declares for our benefit in His creation, that His most favored design, marriage is honorable in all, and the marriage bed undefiled... (Hebrews 13:4)

Repair or Restore Your Christian Marriage -- /Christian Newswire/ -- "Women are beyond understanding," is the predominant excuse for a man's inability to fix failing or broken marriages. This fraudulent thinking is so accepted by the world that it's become a common joke.  What a sad, but eye-opening image of Satan using a notorious worldly deception to separate what God has joined together. 
   In the book "Discovering the Mind of Woman," author Ken Nair illustrates how from Genesis through Revelation biblical principles prove that men not only can, but are commanded to "live with their wives in an understanding way." Radically different, but scripturally sound, "Discovering the Mind of a Woman," reveals relationship-altering concepts that renew and restore marriages.  Nair says when a man follows these principles they work every time, and claims he has seen hundreds of restored marriages, many even after divorce. 
   ...In "Discovering the Mind of a Woman," Nair explores how a man's inability to minister to his wife's spirit is the cause of a husband's failure to fulfill Ephesians 5:25 'Husbands are to love their wives unconditionally and sacrificially, just as Christ loves the Church.' "A wife's emotions, actions and even her attraction to her husband are directly related to his spiritual condition," says Nair.  "She is like a mirror provided by God to reflect how Christlike, or more accurately how un-Christlike he's being," says Nair.   
   He concedes this concept meets with strong resistance, even within the church.  However, Nair says he's found incontrovertible evidence confirmed by Hebrew language scholar Frank Seekins in the original Hebrew text of Genesis where our bibles translate Eve as Adam's "helper." Nair explains, "The Hebrew word is Ezer, three letters originally pictograms represented by an axe, a man and an eye."  Nair and Seekins agree this translates as "Revealer of the Enemy."  "Therefore God didn't say he'd make a helper in the way we think," says Nair. "More accurately, our wife is the person made by God to 'help' us clearly reveal our sin nature, or how Christ-like we are being," says Nair. "And that understanding is the key to every man's ability to transform his life and marriage.
 ..."Although Eve is blamed for the fall of mankind the Bible places the blame squarely upon the man," says Nair. "God told Adam, not Eve, not to eat of the tree; it was Adam who did not keep his promise to God. As a part of Eve's curse, she must look to Adam for her value and acceptance. He charges Adam with the care of her spirit along with complete responsibility for her spiritual fitness." Nair quotes Roman's 5:12 as verification, “Therefore, just as sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin, in this way death came to all. Through one man all have sinned." "One man, not woman," says Nair.
   In "Discovering the Mind of a Woman," men learn to accept their responsibility; and use all of life events, regardless of who's at "fault," to discern what God is teaching Him about how he is or is not being Christ-like.  "I disciple men how to be more Christ-like and that requires a deep commitment to change, but men who truly seek this are rewarded with a richer relationship with God and restored relationships when necessary," Nair promises. For more than thirty years author and speaker Ken Nair, founder of Christ Quest Ministries, has helped renew and restore marriages almost exclusively by teaching men how to become more like Christ, through books, videos, live seminars, and a three-year college level course all available at christquestministries.com

Who did the Lord confront for Sarah's denial? Why did the Lord honor Abraham? Genesis 18:12-3,17-19 - 12 Therefore Sarah laughed within herself, saying, After I am waxed old shall I have pleasure, my lord being old also? And the Lord said unto Abraham, Wherefore did Sarah laugh, saying, Shall I of a surety bear a child, which am old? ...And the Lord said, Shall I hide from Abraham that thing which I do; Seeing that Abraham shall surely become a great and mighty nation, and all the nations of the earth shall be blessed in him? For I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the Lord, to do justice and judgment; that the Lord may bring upon Abraham that which he hath spoken of him.

Is the Church Hypocritical About What Marriage Is? - By DANIEL K. NORRIS - Consider that before God established the church or crowns He first instituted the covenant of marriage. It was God who gave the first bride away and God who officiated the first ceremony. This was God's plan to build civilization. Change this and you remove the underpinnings of what has made us great. As a believer I cannot waver. I understand that man didn't create marriage, we simply recognize it. Regardless what the president or the Supreme Court says, they are not the supreme voice. Marriage is what it is—it simply cannot be changed.

   ...Justice Joseph Story (Commentaries on the Conflict of Laws) - "Marriage is ... in its origin a contract of natural law. ... It is the parent, and not the child of society; the source of civility and a sort of seminary of the republic."

   ...Marriage was His foundational design for world societies based upon structure and boundaries. What "God has joined together," not judges in the courts of men. Nikolai Lenin understood this: "Destroy the family, and the society will collapse," and why those with "reprobate minds" (Romans 1) are mounting a ruthless assault against God's favored design.

   ...1 Thessalonians 4:4-5 (Power New Testament)...For this is the will of God, the One Who sanctifies you, that you abstain from immorality. Each of you knows to take a wife for himself in holiness and in honor, not in lustful passion like the heathens, the ones who have not known God... 

   ...Jesus: Matthew 19:4-6 - "Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder."

   ...John 3:27-31 - John (the Baptist) answered and said, A man can receive nothing, except it be given him from heaven. Ye yourselves bear me witness, that I said, I am not the Christ, but that I am sent before him. He that has the bride is the bridegroom: but the friend of the bridegroom, which stands and hears him, rejoices greatly because of the bridegroom's voice: this my joy therefore is fulfilled. He must increase, but I must decrease. He that comes from above is above all: he that is of the earth is earthly, and speaks of the earth: he that comes from heaven is above all.  

   ...Jesus: Matthew 22:1-14 - "The kingdom of heaven is like unto a certain king, which made a marriage for his son, And sent forth his servants to call them that were bidden to the wedding: and they would not come. Again, he sent forth other servants, saying, Tell them which are bidden, Behold, I have prepared my dinner: my oxen and my fatlings are killed, and all things are ready: come unto the marriage. But they made light of it, and went their ways, one to his farm, another to his merchandise: And the remnant took his servants, and entreated them spitefully, and slew them. But when the king heard thereof, he was wroth: and he sent forth his armies, and destroyed those murderers, and burned up their city. Then he said to his servants, The wedding is ready, but they which were bidden were not worthy. Go ye therefore into the highways, and as many as ye shall find, bid to the marriage. So those servants went out into the highways, and gathered together all as many as they found, both bad and good: and the wedding was furnished with guests. And when the king came in to see the guests, he saw there a man which had not on a wedding garment: And he said unto him, Friend, how is it you came in here not having a wedding garment? And he was speechless. Then said the king to the servants, Bind him hand and foot, and take him away, and cast him into outer darkness; there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth. For many are called, but few are chosen."

   ...Revelation 19:7-9 - Let us be glad and rejoice, and give honor to him: for the marriage of the Lamb is come, and his wife has made herself ready. And to her was granted that she should be arrayed in fine linen, clean and white: for the fine linen is the righteousness of saints. And he said unto me, Write, Blessed are they which are called unto the marriage supper of the Lamb. And he said unto me, These are the true sayings of God. 

1 Peter 3:1-7 - Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear. Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement. Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

“Marriage is...the most natural state of man, and therefore the state in which you are most likely to find solid happiness.... It is the man and woman united that makes the complete human being... man has not nearly the value he would have in the state of union. He is an incomplete animal; he resembles the odd half of a pair of scissors.”  Benjamin Franklin 1745

"...strangers can have sex, but only people in love can make love." Dr. Laura Schlessinger

"A good marriage is the union of two good forgivers." Ruth Bell Graham, wife of evangelist Billy Graham

"The most important consequence of marriage is, that the husband and the wife become in law only one person... Upon this principle of union, almost all the other legal consequences of marriage depend. This principle, sublime and refined, deserves to be viewed and examined on every side." James Wilson (Of the Natural Rights of Individuals, 1792) Reference: The Works of James Wilson, Andrews, ed., vol. 1 (324)

"As long as property exists, it will accumulate in individuals and families. As long as marriage exists, knowledge, property and influence will accumulate in families. " -  President John Adams

Now there may be atheists that cannot grasp the difference between Christianity and Islam. For instance, Deuteronomy 22 calls for stoning if caught in adultery. Why such a harsh penalty? Because marriage between one man and one woman is God's favored design (as evidenced from His analogy of Christ and the Church [Eph, 5]), yet Jesus, unlike Mohammed said to the woman about to be stoned, "go and sin no more" offering forgiveness (John 8). "Then spake Jesus again unto them, saying, 'I am the light of the world: he that follows me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life.'" (John 8:12) Atheist are unable to grasp this (1 Cor. 1-2) just as the Pharisees could not and continued to "walk in darkness." 

MAN, WOMAN, AND THE MYSTERY OF CHRIST: AN EVANGELICAL PROTESTANT PERSPECTIVE By Russell D. Moore - ...But all of us in this room share at least one thing in common. We did not spring into existence out of nothing, but each one of us can trace his or her origins back to a man and a woman, a mother and a father. We recognize that marriage and family is a matter of public importance, not just of our various theological and ecclesial distinctive communities, since marriage is embedded in the creation order and is the means of human flourishing, not just the arena of individual human desires and appetites. We recognize that marriage, and the sexual difference on which it is built, is grounded in a natural order bearing rights and responsibilities that was not crafted by any human state, and cannot thus be redefined by any human state. It is no accident that questions of marriage and of family bring such heated debate, since our consciences, and our very being, testify that these matters are of critical importance for how we shall live.

   ...The apostle Paul wrote to the church at Ephesus that the Alpha and Omega of the universe is personal, that the pattern and goal of the universe is summed up in what he called “the mystery of Christ” (Eph. 1:10). One key aspect of this unveiled mystery is that the family structure is not an arbitrary expression of nature or of the will of God. Marriage and family are instead archetypes, icons of God’s purpose for the universe.

   ...In our perspective, the mystery of the gospel explains to us why it was “not good” for the man to be alone, and why Adam wasn’t designed to subdivide like an amoeba. He needed someone like him—the beasts of the field were none of them “fit” for him. And yet he needed someone different from him. Fitted together, they form an organic union, as a head with a body. Humanity, then, in the image of God is created both male and female, male and female identities that correspond to one another and fulfill one another. We are not created as “spouse A” and “spouse B,” but as man and as woman, and in marriage as husband and as wife, in parenting as mother and as father. Masculinity and femininity are not aspects of the fallen order to be overcome, but are instead part of what God declared from the beginning to be “very good” (Gen. 1:31).

   ...The apostle Paul warned that the sexually immoral person sins not just against another but “against his own body” (1 Cor. 6:18). He compared the spiritual union formed between Christ and the believer with the union brought about in the sexual act. Even one who is “joined to a prostitute becomes one body with her,” he wrote, citing Genesis. The sexual act, mysteriously, forms a real and personal union. Immorality is not merely “naughtiness,” but is a sermon, a sermon preaching a different gospel. This is why attempts to “free” sexuality from marriage as the union of a man and a woman do not lead, ultimately, to the sort of liberation they promise. And therein is our challenge, and our opportunity, for the future.

 

162 Reasons to Marry By Pat Fagan, Anne Dougherty, and Miriam McElvain - Marriage is the foundational relationship for all of society. All other relationships in society stem from the father-mother relationship, and these other relationships thrive most if that father-mother relationship is simultaneously a close and a closed husband-wife relationship. Good marriages are the bedrock of strong societies, for they are the foundations of strong families. One can see this strength manifested at the national and state level, as indicated in other works of the authors, such as the Index of Family Belonging and Rejection and its relationship to various outcomes.[1] The future of the human race and all its component societies is embodied in each newborn. Whether that newborn grows to be a strong, capable adult depends much on the marriage of his parents. Whether he is physically strong; whether she is intelligent; whether he is hardworking or a dropout; whether she will be mentally healthy and happy; whether he will be more educated; whether she will marry in her own turn; whether he will be a taxpayer or a drain on the commons; whether she enjoys her own sexuality to the full; whether he worships and prays; whether she has children and how many; whether he finishes high school and goes to college or learns a trade; whether she is law-abiding; whether he grows old with a family surrounding him-all these most desirable outcomes (common goods) are strongly connected to the strength of the marriage of that child's parents.

Among them being:

Designed by God, Male and Female by Linda Harvey - In the beginning... God created them male and female. And the two He would then make one flesh. There were no fancy invitations, no expensive reception or annoying relatives. At the first wedding, He gave them to each other for companionship, love, physical pleasure and the heritage of children. God didn’t do this thing to anger the feminists, but it did. He didn’t do this to antagonize the pansexual activists, but it did. He didn’t do these things to foment a seething hatred toward Him and His Anointed in the hearts and minds of those determined to justify their sin, but that’s what has happened. Such ingratitude must grieve our Father, because all along, the design was meant for our benefit in a multitude of ways.
   ...God crafted the nature of child-bearing so that both male and female are needed for conception and for the opening of the child’s heart. He thought about creating just one androgynous human, the ideal of women’s studies’ professors and queer theorists, the type of human that could in some fashion replicate itself at will without any of the inconveniences of messy marital compromise. As an infinitely creative and omnipotent Being, God considered this plan, and would have been fully able to carry it out. Yet He rejected it. He rejected it because it would pander to the worst instincts of humans, not the best. It would exaggerate selfishness and swell vanity. It would feed isolation and competition instead of charity and community. Delayed gratification and virtue would waste time better spent pushing to the front of the line. Quick thrills would be the goal of such a human more readily than lasting contentment. Children would be an exhausting annoyance, a distraction from the real business of self-interest.
   ...Yet artificial forms, crafted from human impulse, lust and selfishness, are rebellion, and God treats them as such. God calls homosexuality “abomination” (Leviticus 18:22) because it purposely distorts God’s brilliant design of the two sexes. Christ affirmed only male/ female marriage (Matthew 19: 4-6 and Mark 10:5-9) to reinforce the timelessness of His purpose for human creation. For those who sin in these ways, God’s mercy is always ready for those who repent and commit to His plan, the one that should have shaped our dreams and goals all along. When we get our ideas right, and God’s truth frames our beliefs, our human feelings and desires, male and female, have way of following.  

Strengthening Marriage (Family Research Council) - Family is foundational. Marriage constitutes the basic building block of society, and it was the first institution created by God in the book of Genesis. One man and one woman in a marriage covenant relationship for life is the divine pattern expressed throughout the Bible.
   ...Marriage impacts children. Wherever possible, children should be reared in the context of the bond between the two parents whose marital union gave them life. Research shows that when both genders are represented in the parenting role, children have the best opportunity for health, wellbeing, development, and success in life. As Dr. James Dobson notes, "More than ten thousand studies have concluded that kids do best when they are raised by mothers and fathers."
   Every civilization has been built upon the institution of marriage. It is the foundation. The happiness and success of individuals, the welfare and security of children, and the soundness of society, are all largely dependent upon the stability of marriage according to the divine pattern. According to the Family Research Council's Marriage and Religion Research Institute (MARRI), federal surveys clearly demonstrate that the always-intact married family that worships frequently (weekly or at least monthly) yields the most favorable social outcomes. Compared to the non-intact family that worships less than monthly or never, national data illustrates the superiority in:

Benefits for the Individual:
Happiness: 50% more likely to be happy in a general sense.
Performance: More than a third more likely to take pride in their work (34%).
Health: Nearly a third more likely to rate their health excellent or very good (30%).
 
(From the Case for Marriage)
Benefits for the Couple:
Marital Satisfaction: 25% happier in their relationship.
Divorce or Separation: 50% less likely.
Adultery: More than 4 times less likely (7.7% vs. 33.8%).
Earned Income: As much as 5 times more annually ($54K vs. $9.4K).
 
Benefits for their Children:
Average High School GPA (English and Math): Almost half a grade point higher (2.94 vs. 2.48).
Expulsion or Suspension from School: Nearly 3 times less likely.
Repeating a Grade: Nearly 6 times less likely (6% vs. 34%).
Hard Drug Use: Nearly 2.5 less likely (8.5% vs. 20.1%).
Drunkenness: Nearly 2 times less likely (22.4% vs. 41.2%).
Homosexual Activity: 3 times less likely (2.5% vs. 7.5%).
Running Away from Home: Over 2.5 times less likely.
Average Number of Sex Partners (Females): Over 3 times less (0.47 vs. 1.55).

“Centuries of Marriage” - by Jerry Newcombe - ...I find it interesting that Luscombe observes that Christian counselor Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages, is “arguably the country’s most successful marriage therapist.” Luscombe does not mention the biblical framework out of which Dr. Chapman conducts all his work, however. I interviewed Dr. Chapman for Christian television about ten years ago. Chapman told our viewers:  “I realized early on in my counseling of couples that what made one person feel loved didn’t make another person feel loved.” For example, a couple sought counsel in Dr. Chapman’s office. The husband was hard-working, and he helped with all the housework. He asked his wife, “What do you mean I don’t love you?” And she turned to Chapman and said, “You know, he’s right.  He’s a hard-working man, but we don’t ever talk. I want him to sit down and talk with me.”   

   Chapman recognized that one person experiences love one way---others in different ways: “From these kinds of counseling sessions, I realized, people were trying. They were loving, but they were not connecting with each other.” After about 15 years of this, “I realized that I was hearing the same stories over and over again---when someone said to me, ‘I feel like my spouse doesn’t love me,’ what did they want?  I had it in my notes, and they fell into five categories. And I later called them the five love languages---And everybody has a primary love language out of the five that really speaks to them deeply. And if you don’t speak your spouse’s primary love language, then they won’t feel loved, even if you’re speaking the other four. So, that’s the concept.”    

   Chapman said the five love languages are: “words of affirmation,” “giving gifts,” “undivided attention” (time), “acts of service,” and “physical touch.”   Chapman adds, “When couples learn how to speak each other’s language and they connect emotionally, it’s like the love tank inside them begins to fill up. And really, there’s a whole new climate between the two of them emotionally.”  

   Chapman is grateful to the Lord that He has used his book so well. He told me, “It’s been really exciting to see the way God has used that concept to help so many couples.” He said often couples tell him they were just about to get divorced until they discovered the book and put its Christian principles into practice. The God-factor can make a big difference in how long a marriage lasts, and can also impact its  quality. I know it’s an old cliché, but I think it has generally proven to be true: “The family that prays together stays together.”But often we’re told that it doesn’t necessarily matter.


"This is a great mystery..."

The Bible begins with a marriage and the Bible ends with a marriage in Revelation. "This is a great mystery...

Whoso finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor of the LORD. Proverbs 18:22

The man is the head of the family, the woman is the heart of the family if "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the Church, and gave Himself for it." Ephesians 5:25

"Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled; but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge." Hebrews 13:4

Statistics show that there are 3,500 divorces daily in the United States. Society cannot survive the breakdown of the family. The Bible begins with a marriage. The Bible ends with a marriage in Revelation. "This is a great mystery..." Ephesians 5:22-23

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. Genesis 2:24

Go and proclaim these words toward the north, and say, Return, thou backsliding Israel, says the LORD; and I will not cause mine anger to fall upon you: for I am merciful, says the LORD, and I will not keep anger for ever. Only acknowledge thine iniquity, that thou hast transgressed against the LORD thy God, and hast scattered thy ways to the strangers under every green tree, and ye have not obeyed my voice, says the LORD. Turn, O backsliding children, says the LORD; for I am married unto you: and I will take you one of a city, and two of a family, and I will bring you to Zion: And I will give you pastors according to mine heart, which shall feed you with knowledge and understanding. Jeremiah 3:12-15

For thy Maker is thine husband; the LORD of hosts is his name; and thy Redeemer the Holy One of Israel; The God of the whole earth shall he be called. Isaiah 54:5

Let us be glad and rejoice, and give honor to him: for the marriage of the Lamb is come, and his wife has made herself ready. And to her was granted that she should be arrayed in fine linen, clean and white: for the fine linen is the righteousness of saints. And he said unto me, Write, Blessed are they which are called unto the marriage supper of the Lamb. And he said unto me, These are the true sayings of God. Revelation 19:7-9

He that has ears to hear, let him hear.

Marriage: The Abundant Life - by Daniel Hart   ...When I was single, day to day decisions about life were usually about me: “What do I feel like eating?” “What do I want to do this weekend?” “What do I want to watch tonight?” What’s different about marriage is that my day to day decisions are now primarily based on the question “What does my wife need?” rather than “What do I need?” In a sense, being married is a shift away from one’s self and toward another person. 

   ...In this sense, the married life is a full life. I don’t mean to say that those who are single are somehow living inferior, less fulfilled lives. I just mean that marriage, in essence, is a total and complete gift of self.  Within the vow of “forever”/ “unto death do us part” lies the freedom of giving one’s whole self, whole life, and whole future to another person. Indeed, my life feels more full than it did when I was single. I don’t think this is an accident. As Christ said in Mark 10: “‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two but one flesh.” In a sense, then, marriage is a way of becoming more fully human because we are supernaturally joined to another person.   

Debunking the Ball and Chain Myth of Marriage for Men - by W. Bradford Wilcox and Nicholas H. Wolfinger  ...Contrary to the notion that marriage is detrimental to men, it turns out that the benefits are substantial by every conceivable measure, including greater financial well-being, higher quality of sexual life, and significantly better physical and mental health outcomes. The main challenge would seem to be breaking through the widely-held negative perception of marriage promoted in our popular culture by conveying the benefits of marriage of which so many men seem unaware. Return on Investment There’s no doubt that marriage requires sacrifices and lots of them. Successful marriages require men to work harder, steer clear of attractive alternatives, spend less time with their buddies, and make a good-faith effort, day in and day out, to be emotionally present to their wives. Most men find these sacrifices hard. But, as we document in a new IFS research brief, it turns out that the return on marital sacrifice for men is substantial. Download the Men and Marriage research brief here.


Ephesians 5:22-33

Dispelling the erroneous concept that women are subjugated.

T.D. Jakes Rejects the Idea That Women Should Submit to Men - By JESSILYN JUSTICE - Women are not to be submissive to men, Bishop T.D. Jakes said at a recent event. Rather, she is only to be submissive to her husband. "The Bible talks about women being submissive, not to men, but to her own husband ... God is setting up an organizational structure for family, it has nothing to do with anything outside the family," Jakes said. Indeed, in Ephesians, Paul tells wives to submit to their husbands, not to men in general. "Wives, be submissive to your own husbands as unto the Lord," Paul writes. "For the husband is the head of the wife, just as Christ is the head and Savior of the church, which is His body. But as the church submits to Christ, so also let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for it." (That last sentence in the verse seems to always be overlooked when discussing the roles of husbands and wives.)

Ephesians 5:25 - Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the Church, and gave Himself for it.

Hebrews 13:4 - Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled; but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.

Proverbs 18:22 - Whoso finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor of the LORD.

1 Thessalonians 4:4-5 (Power New Testament)...For this is the will of God, the One Who sanctifies you, that you abstain from immorality. Each of you knows to take a wife for himself in holiness and in honor, not in lustful passion like the heathens, the ones who have not known God...

2 Peter 3:16 - As also in all his epistles, speaking in them of these things; in which are some things hard to be understood, which they that are unlearned and unstable wrest, as they do also the other scriptures, unto their own destruction.

Mark 12:18-27 - Then come unto him the Sadducees, which say there is no resurrection; and they asked him, saying, Master, Moses wrote unto us, If a man's brother die, and leave his wife behind him, and leave no children, that his brother should take his wife, and raise up seed unto his brother. Now there were seven brethren: and the first took a wife, and dying left no seed. And the second took her, and died, neither left he any seed: and the third likewise. And the seven had her, and left no seed: last of all the woman died also. In the resurrection therefore, when they shall rise, whose wife shall she be of them? for the seven had her to wife. And Jesus answering said unto them, Do ye not therefore err, because ye know not the scriptures, neither the power of God? For when they shall rise from the dead, they neither marry, nor are given in marriage; but are as the angels which are in heaven. And as touching the dead, that they rise: have ye not read in the book of Moses, how in the bush God spake unto him, saying, I am the God of Abraham, and the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob? He is not the God of the dead, but the God of the living: ye therefore do greatly err.

Ephesians 5:22-33 - Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church; and he is the savior of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word. That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loves his wife loves himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourishes and cherishes it, even as the Lord the church; For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery; but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

The man is the head of the family, the woman is the heart of the family if "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the Church, and gave Himself for it." Ephesians 5:25

Many cannot get by what Paul said in Ephesians 5: 22-24: “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church; and he is the savior of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.”

Those same people that get hung up on those statements and appear to indicate Paul and the inspiration of the Holy Spirit must be a mistake, while neglecting to mention the statements that immediate follow, Ephesians 5:25-29: “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loves his wife loves himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourishes and cherishes it, even as the Lord the church:”

If you follow the original Greek you will find the root meaning of “submit yourselves” is “to arrange in an orderly manner, appoint, determine, ordain, set.” (G5021)

Why did God look upon Abraham as He did? What did He “know” about Abraham that pleased Him.

Genesis 18:18-19 - Seeing that Abraham shall surely become a great and mighty nation, and all the nations of the earth shall be blessed in him? For I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the LORD, to do justice and judgment; that the LORD may bring upon Abraham that which he hath spoken of him.

Do those who mistakenly think that Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands,"  is wrong, also believe that they have a better design than God?

The husband is responsible " keep the way of the LORD, to do justice and judgment."

The husband may be the head of the house, but most assuredly, the wife is the heart of the house, and if the wife isn’t happy….

Being self-centered and/or selfish will cause problems. Marriage requires being unselfish and the two becoming as one, not the two remaining two.

The "bride" takes the husband's name

God performs the marriage ceremony, and Adam says in Genesis 2:23 23 This is now (he doesn’t say “she” is now); he says “This is now,” meaning this new relationship–he is talking about marriage. This is now bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh, she shall be called woman because she was taken from man. Adam names her. He names her after himself. His name in Hebrew is Eish. The Hebrew word for woman is Eisha. In the first marriage, she takes his name. All Eve knows when she is created is that she is there. She doesn’t know who she fully is until she receives his name. That is why in marriage, there is a transfer of names from the woman’s last name to the man’s last name–because she is now merged into another purpose. (Newsflash: Marriage Is NOT What You Think It Is, And That Should Be A Game-Changer By Dr. James Taylor)

As the "bride of Christ," citizens of His Kingdom are called Christians, as we take the name of our King.

The "mystery" - "...the two shall be one flesh." Examining the "mystery"  - The bride takes the husbands name. The bride now does everything in his name. The bride acts in faith in his name. The bride becomes immersed (baptized) into the life of her husband as a partaker of his kingdom. "For as He is, so are we in the world." 1 John 4:17

To fully understand the God's design of the marriage relationship between man and woman it is necessary to understand the "marriage" relationship between Christ and His Church. (I.E. How does Christ care for His Church? Does the Church "submit" to the "King" whose Kingdom is not of this world?) Discover the "mystery," by understanding the man's role of caring and the wife's role of caring for being cared for: See What is What is the Kingdom of God? He that has ears to hear, let him hear. 

The Bible begins and ends with a marriage.
"This is a great mystery...

The Mystery of Marriage Dr. R. Albert Mohler, Jr. President of The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary - (Small excerpt follows.) Genesis 2:18-25 - Here we have the historical narrative of the creation of woman and of the establishment of marriage, and it begins with God's sovereign declaration that it is not good for man to be alone. This was not Adam's self-realization. Adam did not come himself to the understanding that it was not good for himself to be alone. He did not know any better than being alone. It was God's sovereign authority and God's purpose in creation to declare that it was not good for Adam to be alone. Man's aloneness was by God's design; it anticipated His creation of woman. But here is the interesting thing that is often missed. God declares that "it is not good that the man should be alone," (v. 18) and then He reveals his purpose as Creator: "I will make him a helper fit for him, a complement. I will complete the man in the helper I will create for him" (v. 19).

In our imagination, we tend to move immediately to the creation of Eve. But that is not what happens in the text. Notice the next verse: "So out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them." What in the world is going on here? All of a sudden we have zoology. We have the story of Adam the animal-namer, and this seems disjunctive. What is going on here? Well, just ponder with me for a moment what Adam learned from naming the animals. One of the crucial things here is the demonstration of Adam's authority in creation. The authority to name a thing is a huge power. It was of course a designated authority, a delegated authority, but it was authority all the same.

Human beings therefore are not mere animals in the company of other animals. We are the bearers of God's own image, given responsibilities of dominion and stewardship. We are unique in creation. But what do you think Adam learned from naming the animals? Well, he must have noticed there is a he and there is a she--a he-cat and a she-cat, a he-dog and a she-dog, even a he-eagle and a she-eagle. You see, Adam must have learned from this that although he had an authority over these animals, they had a completeness he did not have.

We are just not reading that into the text; the verdict is explicit here in Genesis 2:20: "But for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him." There was not found a complement for him. He saw every animal. He looked at the entire animal kingdom and found no fitting helper for him. He was not completed in any of them. It was only at that point that, in verse 21, the Bible says, "The Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into woman and brought her to the man."

How did Adam respond when he saw the woman God had created for him? He says, "At last." You see, through this whole lengthy, incredible process of naming the animals, Adam had come to the conclusion that it was not good for him to be alone. So he says, "This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. This is me, this corresponds to me, this complements me. She is not me, but she is like me." This is not just a matter of "flesh of my flesh and bone of my bones." Adam sees a fellow image-bearer of God. He has found the one that God has created especially for him, the helper who completes him. The text concludes: "Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." And then the divine verdict: "And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed."

This is one of the most powerful verses for our contemporary consideration. How in the world was it that Adam and Eve were naked and not ashamed? That is what we want, isn't it? Isn't that what we desire--to be before our Creator as naked and not ashamed? I want to promise you today that in the midst of a paganized world, in the midst of a confusing age, in the midst of so much corruption and confusion, we need to recover the fact that in the sanctity of Christian marriage, we come as close as we can get to being naked and not ashamed before our Creator. There is God's purpose. Gender and marriage then are not incidental. They are vitally important. Gender is a part of God's original design. The difference between male and female is God's glory. Their sameness is God's glory. Their need for the other is God's glory. The satisfaction of the man in the woman is God's glory. The satisfaction of the woman in the man is God's glory. The satisfaction of God's people in the pleasures of marriage is God's glory. The reproduction of God's people, the gift of children, is God's glory. Living life together as husband and wife in sickness and in health, till death they do part, is God's glory. This whole one-flesh relationship--that is God's glory. 

The IMPORTANCE God placed on marriage as being the basis and FOUNDATION of a "civil" society is not being highlighted by Christians as the main ingredient of God's design. The analogy of Christ and the church, with marriage, apparently is a "great mystery" (Ephesians 5) to many Christians, never mind the secular.

He that has ears to hear, let him hear what the Spirit is saying to the churches.

Scripture such as "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it," should be an indication that Christ, "the bridegroom" and "His Bride," the church (Revelation 18-22) depicts how IMPORTANT "marriage" is to God.

The mystery: Just as the man and wife are to become as one, so too, believers and God are to be as one. Is not the Church the Bride of Christ?

The kingdom of heaven is like unto a certain king, which made a marriage for his son. Matthew 22:2

Neither pray I for these alone, but for them also which shall believe on me through their word; That they all may be one; as You, Father, are in me, and I in You, that they also may be one in us: that the world may believe that thou hast sent me. John 17:20-21

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. Genesis 1:27

"Have you not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and the two shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder." Jesus, Matthew 19:4-6

Do you not know that your bodies are members of Messiah? So then could the members of Messiah be members of a prostitute? God forbid! Or do you not know that the one who is joined with a prostitute is one with her body? For "it will be," it is said, "the two are one flesh." (Genesis 2:24) But the one who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with Him.  You must continually flee immorality. Every sin that a man could do is outside the body; but of immoralities he sins against his own body. Or do you not know body is a sanctuary (Ephesians 2:21-21) of the Holy Spirit in you, which you have from God, and you do not belong to yourselves? For you were bought with a price: now you must glorify God with your body. And concerning the things of which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman; but because of the temptation of immoralities let each have his own wife and let each woman have her own husband. The husband must continually surrender his obligation to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have power over her own body but the husband does, and likewise also, the husband does not have power over his own body but the wife does. You must continually not deprive one another, except from agreement for a time, do that you could devote yourselves to prayer. Then you should again be continuing relations the same way, so that Satan could not test you through your lack of self-control. 1 Corinthians 6:15-7:5 (Power New Testament)

The Bridegroom Longs for You By Jaime Dicke - "And Jesus said to them, "Can the friends of the bridegroom mourn as long as the bridegroom is with them? But the days will come when the bridegroom will be taken away from them, and then they will fast" (Mt. 9:15). Our lives are a part of a grand love story, because God is a lover. Throughout scripture God calls Himself, "Bridegroom" and "Husband" (Eph 5:32, Hos 2:16) and His people are affectionately called His Bride. God is love and He is in love with you. His love is not tame, but jealous (protective and exclusive), endless and passionate.
   Throughout church history, many Christians have read the Song of Songs as a picture of the love between Jesus and His Church, the Bride. In Song of Solomon 8:6-7, the Bride says to her Beloved: "Set me as a seal upon your heart, As a seal upon your arm; For love is as strong as death, Jealousy as cruel as the grave; Its flames are flames of fire, A most vehement flame. Many waters cannot quench love,  Nor can the floods drown it. If a man would give for love All the wealth of his house, It would be utterly despised."  What a beautiful picture of Jesus love for us! It is stronger than death; in fact, his love drove Him to the cross. He could not bear to be separated from us. His desire is like a flame of fire that consumes every part of us. Nothing can quench this love; no, nothing can separate us from the love of God. We are sealed as His own possession.
    As the Bride says, "I am my Beloved's and His desire is for me" (Song 7:10).
    It is glorious when the church is rooted in her bridal identity. Who are we? We are His and He longs for us. His heart is drawn to us. He is constantly pursuing us. He wants to be with us, to know us, and to be one with us. See Eph. 5:31-32. His love is intense, but it's also full of joy. Jesus is smiling. "His love is better than wine" (Song 1:2). Yes, His love is intoxicating. "Taste and see that the Lord is good" (Ps. 34:8.).
    Our story ends with a wedding. "Let us be glad and rejoice and give Him glory, for the marriage of the Lamb [Jesus] has come, and His wife [the Church] has made herself ready" (Rev. 19:7). Every bride is excited and eagerly waits for her wedding day and in the same way the Church looks to that day with hope.
    "And the Spirit and the bride say, 'Come!' " (Rev. 22:17). Before the return of Christ, the Holy Spirit and the church will be asking and longing for Jesus to return. Jesus is alive, burning in love for us and waiting for His wedding day. Be happy! We're getting married to God! He has prepared a diamond city for us to live in, and He will dwell with us and make everything beautiful!  See Rev. 21  


The significance, value, and relevance of the marriage covenant, God's favored design

Malachi 2:10-17 - Have we not all one father? has not one God created us? why do we deal treacherously every man against his brother, by profaning the covenant of our fathers? Judah has dealt treacherously, and an abomination is committed in Israel and in Jerusalem; for Judah has profaned the holiness of the LORD which he loved, and has married the daughter of a strange god. The LORD will cut off the man that does this, the master and the scholar, out of the tabernacles of Jacob, and him that offers an offering unto the LORD of hosts.

And this have ye done again, covering the altar of the LORD with tears, with weeping, and with crying out, insomuch that he regards not the offering any more, or receives it with good will at your hand. Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the LORD has been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant. And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed. Therefore take heed to your spirit, and let none deal treacherously against the wife of his youth. For the LORD, the God of Israel, says that he hates putting away: for one covers violence with his garment, says the LORD of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously. Ye have wearied the LORD with your words. Yet ye say, Wherein have we wearied him? When ye say, Every one that does evil is good in the sight of the LORD, and he delights in them; or, Where is the God of judgment?

One of the most popular readings at wedding ceremonies is from 1 Corinthians 13, "the way of love chapter." As the focus is on God's design of the relationship between the one man and one woman being married, perhaps it is too easy for the nature of man and the limitation of man's wisdom to keep us from what the Holy Spirit is revealing in that chapter. As you consider God's design in which marriage is intended that "the two shall be one flesh," consider also your personal relationship with the Trinity of God in two Scriptures also inspired by the Holy Spirit.

For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known. 1 Corinthians 13:12

For this cause I bow my knees unto the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, Of whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named, That he would grant you, according to the riches of his glory, to be strengthened with might by his Spirit in the inner man; That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love, May be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height; And to know the love of Christ, which passes knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fullness of God. Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us, Unto him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without end. Amen. Ephesians 3:14-21

Justice Joseph Story (Commentaries on the Conflict of Laws) - "Marriage is ... in its origin a contract of natural law. ... It is the parent, and not the child of society; the source of civility and a sort of seminary of the republic."

"To the institution of marriage the true origin of society must be traced." James Wilson, 1790,  Continental Congress, wrote in 1790.

Marriage: What It Is, Why It Matters, and the Consequences of Redefining It By Ryan T. Anderson - [I]f marriage has no form and serves no social purpose, how will society protect the needs of children -- the prime victim of our non-marital sexual culture -- without government growing more intrusive and more expensive? Marriage exists to bring a man and a woman together as husband and wife to be father and mother to any children their union produces. Marriage benefits everyone because separating the bearing and rearing of children from marriage burdens innocent bystanders: not just children, but the whole community. ... Government recognizes traditional marriage because it benefits society in a way that no other relationship or institution does. Marriage is society's least restrictive means of ensuring the well-being of children. State recognition of marriage protects children by encouraging men and women to commit to each other and take responsibility for their children. Promoting marriage does not ban any type of relationship: Adults are free to make choices about their relationships, and they do not need government sanction or license to do so. All Americans have the freedom to live as they choose, but no one has a right to redefine marriage for everyone else. The future of this country depends on the future of marriage, and the future of marriage depends on citizens understanding what it is and why it matters and demanding that government policies support, not undermine, true marriage.

The Christian divorce rate myth (what you've heard is wrong) "Christians divorce at roughly the same rate as the world!" It's one of the most quoted stats by Christian leaders today. And it's perhaps one of the most inaccurate. Based on the best data available, the divorce rate among Christians is significantly lower than the general population. Here's the truth.... Many people who seriously practice a traditional religious faith -- be it Christian or other -- have a divorce rate markedly lower than the general population. The factor making the most difference is religious commitment and practice. Couples who regularly practice any combination of serious religious behaviors and attitudes -- attend church nearly every week, read their Bibles and spiritual materials regularly; pray privately and together; generally take their faith seriously, living not as perfect disciples, but serious disciples -- enjoy significantly lower divorce rates than mere church members, the general public and unbelievers. Professor Bradley Wright, a sociologist at the University of Connecticut, explains from his analysis of people who identify as Christians but rarely attend church, that 60 percent of these have been divorced. Of those who attend church regularly, 38 percent have been divorced. Other data from additional sociologists of family and religion suggest a significant marital stability divide between those who take their faith seriously and those who do not. W. Bradford Wilcox, a leading sociologist at the University of Virginia and director of the National Marriage Project, finds from his own analysis that "active conservative Protestants" who regularly attend church are 35 percent less likely to divorce compared to those who have no affiliation. Nominally attending conservative Protestants are 20 percent more likely to divorce, compared to secular Americans. ...


Mark Gungor Videos (Must See)

Tale of two brains - Men's Brain Women's Brain - Mark Gungor from Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage compares men's brains to lots of boxes that don't touch and women's brains to a big ball of wire where everything is connected to everything else. Prepare to laugh.

Sex is what men want from women - Mark explains why. 

Marriage Advice

7 Ways You Might Drive Your Wife Crazy—and How You Can Avoid Them - By BJ FOSTER/ALL PRO DAD - As I talk to couples, I hear a list of common things husbands do that drive their wives crazy. Many of these can be avoided by small pieces of intentional action.
   1. Inability to multitask. Marriage author Mark Gungor talks humorously about the difference between men's and women's brains. He says women's brains are like a big ball of wires, while men's brains are like a collection of boxes. Inside each of those boxes is a subject and only one box can be dealt with at a time. Women have the ability to think of everything at the same time. They see every subject as interconnected. The amount of details running around their brains is overwhelming. The trouble I run into is when my wife is trying to transfer some of those details to me. If you give me more than one detail in one sitting we're in trouble.
   2. Zone out. Gungor goes on to say that men have a box in our brains with nothing in it. He says the Nothing Box is our favorite box. We have the ability to actually think about nothing, while women's brains never stop. We love to sit and not have to think. This drives women crazy because they can't fathom it. In fact, they kind of envy it. However, it becomes a problem when we zone out or our minds wander when our wives are talking or needing us to engage. I've had too many experiences like this clip from Lego Movie where I've had to ask my wife to tell me things multiple times.
   3. Don't respond. The easiest response for us when our wives have a problem is to jump into action and try to fix it. However, they have told us over and over they don't want us to do that. We are told they want us to just listen. When they are finished pouring out their problems and emotions, we sometimes sit there not knowing how to respond. They are looking for us to say something, but we know we're not supposed to say something that attempts to fix it. So we say nothing because we haven't done the next point.
   4. Don't connect emotionally. I believe, more than anything, our wives are looking to connect with their husbands. However, that's certainly not the easiest task for us. Watching a group of women empathize over one another is fascinating. They all gather around the hurting person in tears and console her. When our wives talk about their struggles and joys they want us to tap into our own similar experience and connect our emotions with theirs. When it doesn't happen, they feel frustrated and alone.
   5. Expect sex without trying to connect. When we go to bed, we hope to have sex to connect with our wives, but she needs to emotionally connect first, and if that didn't start earlier in the night it's not going to happen. Wives need a warm up and when we haven't reached out to them until bedtime, their first thought is, "Now you want me? Where were you earlier when I wanted to talk?" If sex with your wife is going to be a possibility, you need to start making your move the moment the kids go to bed.
  6. Show no initiative. After a long day, it's easy to come home and disengage. This is especially true when our wives are running crazy with details. It's tempting to think, She's got it. They want us to enter into all of their chaos, help them think ahead and move.
   7. Don't plan. When my wife takes the kids to the park, she plans for everything. She thinks through inviting friends, the weather, extra clothes, snacks, drinks, toys and sporting equipment, and how long we are going to be there. I think through whether they are dressed and have shoes on, and we're on our way. Imagine what vacations are like. Our wives are constantly planning to meet the needs of our kids and want our help, whether it is our natural tendency or not. 
   BJ Foster is the director of content creation for All Pro Dad and a married father of two. For the original article, visit allprodad.com

Angry Women and Passive Men - From Love Must Be Tough by Dr. James C. Dobson- The problem has its origins in childhood, long before a young man and woman stand at the altar to say, "I do." For her part, the girl is taught subtly by her culture that marriage is a lifelong romantic experience; that loving husbands are entirely responsible for the happiness of their wives; that a good relationship between a man and woman should be sufficient to meet all needs and desires; and that any sadness or depression that a woman might encounter is her husband's fault. At least, he has the power to eradicate it if he cares enough. In other words, many American women come into marriage with unrealistically romantic expectations which are certain to be dashed. Not only does this orientation set up a bride for disappointment and agitation in the future; it also places enormous pressure on her husband to deliver the impossible.  

   Unfortunately, the man of the house was taught some misconceptions in his formative years, too. He learned, perhaps from his father, that his only responsibility is to provide materially for his family. He must enter a business or profession and succeed at all costs, climbing the ladder of success and achieving an ever-increasing standard of living as proof of manhood. It never occurs to him that he is supposed to "carry" his wife emotionally. For Pete's sake! If he pays his family's bills and is a loyal husband, what more could any woman ask for? He simply doesn't understand what she wants.   

Inevitably, these differing assumptions collide head-on during the early years of marriage. Young John is out there competing like crazy in the marketplace, thinking his successes are automatically appreciated by the lady at home. To his shock, she not only fails to notice, but even seems to resent the work that takes him from her. "I'm doing it for you, babe!" he says. Diane isn't convinced.
   What gradually develops from that misunderstanding is a deep, abiding anger on Diane's part, and a bewildered disgust from John. This pattern has been responsible for a million divorces in the past decade. The wife is convinced that her low self-esteem and her unhappiness are the result of her husband's romantic failures. With every year that passes, she becomes more bitter and hostile at him for giving so little of himself to his family. She attacks him viciously for what she considers to be his deliberate insults, and bludgeons him for refusing to change.
   John, on the other hand, does not have it within him to satisfy her needs. He didn't see it modeled by his father and his masculine, competitive temperament is not given to romantic endeavors. Besides, his work takes every ounce of energy in his body. It is a total impasse. There seems to be no way around.
  In the early years, John tries to accommodate Diane occasionally. At other times, he becomes angry and they slug it out in a verbal brawl. The following morning, he feels terrible about those fights. Gradually, his personality begins to change. He hates conflict with his wife and withdraws as a means of avoidance. What he needs most from his home (like the majority of men) is tranquility. Thus, he finds ways of escaping. He reads the paper, watches television, works in his shop, goes fishing, cuts the grass, plays golf, works at his desk, goes to a ball game- anything to stay out of the way of his hostile wife. Does this pacify her? Hardly! It is even more infuriating to have one's anger ignored.
   Here she is, screaming for attention and venting her hostility for his husbandly failures. And what does he do in return? He hides. He becomes more silent. He runs. The cycle has become a vicious one. The more anger she displays for his un-involvement, the more detached he becomes. This inflames his wife with each greater hostility. She has said everything there is to say and it produced no response. Now she feels powerless and disrespected. Every morning he goes off to work where he can socialize with his friends, but she is stuck in this state of emotional deprivation.
   When a relationship has deteriorated to this point, the wife often resorts to some very unfortunate tactics. She begins to look for ways to hurt her husband in return. She embarrasses him by telling his business associates what a cad he is at home. She refuses to attend office functions or provide any other support for his occupation. She tells stories about him to their church associates. She shuts him down sexually and undermines his relationship with the children. To be sure, she can be a formidable opponent in the art of infighting. No one on the face of the earth could hurt John more deeply than his own wife.
   Let me make it clear that I'm not condemning this woman out of hand. She has a good case against her husband. He doesn't meet her needs properly and he's an inveterate workaholic. To that extent, the man is guilty as charged. I attempted to express this feminine perspective in my book WHAT WIVES WISH THEIR HUSBANDS KNEW ABOUT WOMEN, because I believe it is valid.
   But every story has two sides, and John's version should also be told. His wife is wrong to believe that her contentment is exclusively his burden. No one should be expected to carry another person emotionally. Only Diane can make herself happy! She has no right to lay that total load on John. A good marriage is one in which the dominant needs are met with the relationship, but where each spouse develops individual identity, interests and friendships. This may be the most delicate tightrope act in marriage. Extreme independence is as destructive to a relationship as total dependence.
I remember counseling a bright young lady whom I'll call Janet. She came to me because she seemed to be losing the affection of her husband. Frank appeared bored when he was at home and he refused to take her out with him. On weekends, he went sailing with his friends despite the bitter protests of his wife. She had begged for his attention for months, but the slippage continued.
I hypothesized that Janet was invading Frank's territory and needed to recapture the challenge that made him want to marry her. Thus, I suggested that she retreat into her own world--stop "reaching" for him when he was at home--schedule some personal activities independently of his availability, etc. Simultaneously, I urged her to give him vague explanations about why her personality had changed. She was instructed not to display anger or discontent, allowing Frank to draw his own conclusions about what she was thinking. My purpose was to change his frame of reference. In stead of his thinking, "How can I escape from this woman who is driving me crazy,' I wanted him to wonder, "What's going on? Am I losing Janet? Have I pushed her too far? Has she found someone else?"
   The results were dramatic. About a week after the change of manner was instituted, Janet and Frank were at home together one evening. After several hours of uninspired conversation and yawns, Janet told her husband that she was rather tired and wanted to go to bed. She said goodnight matter-of-factly and went to her bedroom. About thirty minutes later, Frank threw open the door and turned on the light. He proceeded to make passionate love to her, later saying that he couldn't stand the barrier that had come between them. It was precisely that barrier which Janet had complained about for months. Her approach had been so overbearing that she was driving him away from her. When she changed her direction, Frank also threw his truck in reverse. It often happens that way.  


Violating God's Design
Why the evil one is attacking and undermining God's foundation of the human race.

Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled; but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge. Hebrews 13:4

What has been the result of defiling the marriage bed? Broken relationships and disease. Why, because it violates God's design and we reap what we sow.

Infidelity:

What? know ye not that he which is joined to an harlot is one body? for two, saith he, shall be one flesh. 1 Corinthians 6:16

But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causes her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced commits adultery. Matthew 5:32

Why men won't marry you By Suzanne Venker - 1. Because they can: Men used to marry to have sex and a family. They married for love, too, but they had to marry the girl before taking her to bed, or at least work really, really hard to wear her down. Those days are gone. When more women make themselves sexually available, the pool of marriageable men diminishes. “In a world where women do not say no, the man is never forced to settle down and make serious choices,” writes George Gilder, author of "Men and Marriage."
   2. Because there’s nothing in it for them: What exactly does marriage offer men today? “Men know there’s a good chance they’ll lose their friends, their respect, their space, their sex life, their money and — if it all goes wrong — their family,” says Helen Smith, Ph.D., author of "Men on Strike."
... In the span of just a few decades, America has demoted men from respected providers and protectors of the family to superfluous buffoons. Today’s sitcoms and commercials routinely paint a portrait of the idiot husband whose wife is smarter and more capable than he.

Same-sex: ("Destroy the family, and the society will collapse." Nikolai Lenin)

Homosexuals carry this even further by also violating "the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God."

Paul depicted the homosexual results "which is against nature." Many facets of this lifestyle "without excuse" include "foolish hearts darkened, reprobate mind, uncleanness through the lusts of their own hearts, to dishonor their own bodies between themselves, vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature: And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompense of their error which was meet. Filled with all unrighteousness, fornication, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, debate, deceit, malignity; whisperers, Backbiters, haters of God, despiteful, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, Without understanding, covenant breakers, without natural affection, implacable, unmerciful: Who knowing the judgment of God, that they which commit such things are worthy of death, not only do the same, but have pleasure in them that do them." Romans 1:18-32

"Against diseases here the strongest fence / Is the defensive virtue, abstinence." Benjamin Franklin, Poor Richard's Almanack, 1742


Further Resources

God's "Real Man" List - James Dobson's Family Talk: By JT Waresak

1. 12 Things My Kids Need to Hear From Me 

2. 10 Traits of Highly Effective Dads 

3. 5 Must-Haves to Porn-Proof Your Marriage

 

James Dobson Resources:

For Wives

The 7-Minute Marriage Solution

You Always Bite The One You Love

3 Ways to Build Up Your Husband

Fortify Your Marriage and Your Home

For Husbands

The 7-Minute Marriage Solution

You Always Bite The One You Love

5 Keys To Lead Your Wife, i.e. "Wear the Pants"

Fortify Your Marriage and Your Home

Cohabitation nation JANICE SHAW CROUSE - According to the latest census report, the number of cohabiting couples escalated from 6.7 million in 2009 to 7.5 million just one year later. Living together has become today's "normative experience," with nearly 50 percent of young adults aged 20 to 40 cohabiting. Moreover, the percentage of women in their late 30s who said they had cohabited at least once reached 48 percent in 1995...

Sex Before Marriage Rewires Your Brain By TIANA AND JEREMY WILES - In our culture today, we've come to believe that sex is love—and good sex is good love. In her new bestseller Love Sense, Dr. Sue Johnson warns: "Vaulting sex to such primacy has, alas, distorted its role in relationships—and with harming consequences. Instead of drawing people closer together, all the emphasis on sex is instead driving us farther and farther apart. We're abandoning living partners for screen sex." Today, 68 percent of Christian men watch porn and according to a recent survey by Covenant Eyes, about half (49 percent) of young adult women in the study agree that viewing pornography is an acceptable way of expressing one's sexuality. What are these statistics telling us about the way we look at sex?

   ...According to Dr. Johnson: "Those of us who are avoidant, that is, uncomfortable with emotional closeness and dependence on others, are more likely to have what I term "sealed-off sex." Sex is self-centered and self-affirming, a performance aimed at achieving climax and confirming one's own sexual skill. Technique is prized; openness and vulnerability shunned. There is little foreplay, such as kissing or tender touching. And no cuddling afterward—once the Big Bang occurs, there's nothing left ... Because pleasure without emotional engagement is shallow and fleeting, this kind of sex needs continual boosting to be thrilling."

   Understanding the Sexual Brain - So if we're not emotionally bonding with our partners during sex, who are we bonding with? To answer that question, you have to understand how the brain works. Sex is a powerful brain stimulant. There are several neurochemical processes that occur during sex, which are the "glue" to human bonding. When someone is involved sexually, it makes him or her want to repeat that act. Their brain produces lots of dopamine—a powerful chemical, which is compared to heroin on the brain. Dopamine is your internal pleasure/reward system. When dopamine is involved, it changes how we remember.  

   ...Becoming Bonded With Porn These same neurochemicals are present when viewing pornography or fantasizing about pornographic images while being intimate with your spouse. A person will become bonded with whatever he is engaged in during the moment these chemicals are released. When your relationship is being carried on with an image, you become bonded to whatever you're viewing—whether it's physical or in your head.

   ...Knowing how these neurochemicals interact and change the brain help us understand why sex is meant to be kept within the boundaries of marriage. You see the overtones here about God's design for His pure temple. This is another reason why the devil attacks our sexuality so much—because in attacking human sexuality, it actually interferes with human bonding. God wired and designed our brains for a specific purpose: to bond us with the person we marry.  

 

Author Unwraps Biblical Truths which Cause Marriages to Thrive and Prosper /Christian Newswire/ -- "Broken relationships, lies, and cruel consequences, sadly, the early dream has sometimes become a nightmare. Many marriages are falling apart for lack of the tools to strengthen and repair them. God intended womanhood to be a 'regal' experience, and has detailed guidelines for us to follow!"

Author and speaker Patricia Dodsworth is a passionate student of the Bible. Her Hebrew and Greek study has uncovered principles with enormous relevance to everyday life -- specifically to womanhood and marriage. Her research was originally a personal quest of spiritual discovery: In her own words, "In the beginning I searched from source material for answers to the question of what God's thoughts were about me. I never stop being amazed at the response of women of all ages to what I discovered in the scriptures."

Patricia's new book, "Transforming Keys" (WinePress, 2010) is both compelling and controversial. Wonderful sexuality, modesty, and respect are all covered along with brokenness, forgiveness, and restoration. God has given us truth to answer our burning questions and we can win against the devil on the battleground of our minds! Patricia fearlessly wades through the issues to a triumphant finale at the cross of Christ. "Our mother's never taught us this stuff!"

"Women learn to see their husbands through a biblical lens, the results are spectacular! Small changes in both action and attitude have proven to be dramatic in marriage relationships."

Married for 37 years, she teaches courses on Relationships and Christian Womanhood and has woven her own vulnerable journey into these chapters. Born in Canada, Patricia and her husband Steve have two married children and three delightful grandchildren. They make their home in Calgary, Alberta. Both avid travelers, they have journeyed extensively in Eastern Europe, as a family and with summer mission teams, variously visiting Lithuania, Estonia, Romania, Hungary, Bosnia, Croatia and Slovenia.

For more information, to request a review copy or to schedule an interview, please contact Abigail Davidson by phone at 360-802-9758, by email at abigail@winepresspublishing.com, or by fax at 360-802-9992. To purchase a copy of this book visit www.winepressbooks.com or call 877-421-7323.

The 'Love and Respect' Principle by Focus on the Family - Maybe you've heard that a woman needs to be loved by her husband and a man needs to be respected by his wife. However, if you're like the average man or woman, you're thinking, "Sure, that all sounds great, but what does it mean?" Men often define love differently than their wives, while women often don't know how to define respect. If both you and your spouse have these needs, but don't know what they are, how can you satisfy each other? Without a definition, it's like trying to throw a dart at a board but you don't know where to aim. That's why we're here to help. Once you and your spouse understand what it means to love and respect, relational landmines can be avoided. The result can be greater love, deeper intimacy and movement toward the kind of marriage that God desires for you.

True Love Waits - Twenty years ago a small group of students in the Nashville area committed themselves to Christ in the pursuit of purity. Little did they know that shortly thereafter there were going to be thousands of additional students join them in what came to be known as the movement of True Love Waits.

Unveiled Wife is an incredible community of wives from all over the world, cheering one another along through the journey of marriage. UW is dedicated to bringing you encouragement through devotionals, prayers and testimonies. Get connected today and receive daily inspiration for marriage by subscribing!

National Institute of Marriage Direct ministry to couples. We have developed a continuum of care that meets couples wherever they may be in their relationship.  Regardless of the health of their marriage we have a service that can help them improve their marital satisfaction.  Our services include:

  • The Marriage Emergency Room. We continue to see a dramatic impact in the marriages of couples through our Intensive Marriage Counseling Programs.
  • Marriage Enrichment Conferences. We currently present the 'Marriage is a Dance' conference to couples across the nation.
  • Resources for Couples. We have marriage curriculum for couples, small groups, military couples, counselors and therapists.

Proverbs 31:10-31

Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. She seeks wool, and flax, and works willingly with her hands. She is like the merchants' ships; she brings her food from afar. She rises also while it is yet night, and gives meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens. She considers a field, and buys it: with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard. She girds her loins with strength, and strengthens her arms. She perceives that her merchandise is good: her candle goes not out by night. She lays her hands to the spindle, and her hands hold the distaff. She stretches out her hand to the poor; yea, she reaches forth her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet. She makes herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple. Her husband is known in the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land. She makes fine linen, and sells it; and delivers girdles unto the merchant. Strength and honor are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. She looks well to the ways of her household, and eats not the bread of idleness. Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her. Many daughters have done virtuously, but you excel them all. Favor is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that fears the LORD, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.


1 Corinthians 7

Now concerning the things whereof you wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife has not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband has not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud not one another, except it be with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency. But I speak this by permission, and not of commandment. For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man has his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that. I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.

And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife. But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother has a wife that believes not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman which has an husband that believes not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.

For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God has called us to peace. For what do you know, O wife, whether you shall save thy husband? or how do you know, O man, whether you shall save thy wife? But as God has distributed to every man, as the Lord has called every one, so let him walk.

And so ordain I in all churches. Is any man called being circumcised? let him not become uncircumcised. Is any called in uncircumcision? let him not be circumcised. Circumcision is nothing, and uncircumcision is nothing, but the keeping of the commandments of God. Let every man abide in the same calling wherein he was called.

Art you called being a servant? care not for it: but if you may be made free, use it rather. For he that is called in the Lord, being a servant, is the Lord's freeman: likewise also he that is called, being free, is Christ's servant. Ye are bought with a price; be not ye the servants of men. Brethren, let every man, wherein he is called, therein abide with God.

Now concerning virgins I have no commandment of the Lord: yet I give my judgment, as one that has obtained mercy of the Lord to be faithful. I suppose therefore that this is good for the present distress, I say, that it is good for a man so to be. Are you bound unto a wife? seek not to be loosed. Are you loosed from a wife? seek not a wife. But and if you marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marry, she has not sinned.

Nevertheless such shall have trouble in the flesh: but I spare you. But this I say, brethren, the time is short: it remains, that both they that have wives be as though they had none; And they that weep, as though they wept not; and they that rejoice, as though they rejoiced not; and they that buy, as though they possessed not; And they that use this world, as not abusing it: for the fashion of this world passes away. But I would have you without carefulness.

He that is unmarried cares for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord: But he that is married cares for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife.

There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman cares for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married cares for the things of the world, how she may please her husband. And this I speak for your own profit; not that I may cast a snare upon you, but for that which is comely, and that you may attend upon the Lord without distraction.

But if any man think that he behaves himself uncomely toward his virgin, if she pass the flower of her age, and need so require, let him do what he will, he sins not: let them marry. Nevertheless he that stands steadfast in his heart, having no necessity, but has power over his own will, and has so decreed in his heart that he will keep his virgin, does well.

So then he that gives her in marriage does well; but he that gives her not in marriage does better. The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband lives; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord. But she is happier if she so abide, after my judgment: and I think also that I have the Spirit of God.


In the Words of Jesus

Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: But I say unto you, That whosoever looks on a woman to lust after her has committed adultery with her already in his heart. And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell. And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell. It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement: But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causes her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced commits adultery. Matthew 5:27-32

The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause? And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away? He said unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so. And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, commits adultery: and whoso marries her which is put away doth commit adultery. His disciples say unto him, If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry. But he said unto them, All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given. For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it. Matthew 19:3-12

And every one that has forsaken houses, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my name's sake, shall receive an hundredfold, and shall inherit everlasting life. Matthew 19:29

Then Peter said, Lo, we have left all, and followed thee. And he said unto them, Verily I say unto you, There is no man that has left house, or parents, or brethren, or wife, or children, for the kingdom of God's sake, Who shall not receive manifold more in this present time, and in the world to come life everlasting. Luke 18:28-30

Jesus said unto them, Did ye never read in the scriptures, The stone which the builders rejected, the same is become the head of the corner: this is the Lord's doing, and it is marvelous in our eyes? Therefore say I unto you, The kingdom of God shall be taken from you, and given to a nation bringing forth the fruits thereof. And whosoever shall fall on this stone shall be broken: but on whomsoever it shall fall, it will grind him to powder. And when the chief priests and Pharisees had heard his parables, they perceived that he spoke of them. But when they sought to lay hands on him, they feared the multitude, because they took him for a prophet. And Jesus answered and spoke unto them again by parables, and said, The kingdom of heaven is like unto a certain king, which made a marriage for his son, And sent forth his servants to call them that were bidden to the wedding: and they would not come. Again, he sent forth other servants, saying, Tell them which are bidden, Behold, I have prepared my dinner: my oxen and my fatlings are killed, and all things are ready: come unto the marriage. But they made light of it, and went their ways, one to his farm, another to his merchandise: And the remnant took his servants, and entreated them spitefully, and slew them. But when the king heard thereof, he was wroth: and he sent forth his armies, and destroyed those murderers, and burned up their city. Then he said to his servants, The wedding is ready, but they which were bidden were not worthy. Go ye therefore into the highways, and as many as ye shall find, bid to the marriage. So those servants went out into the highways, and gathered together all as many as they found, both bad and good: and the wedding was furnished with guests. And when the king came in to see the guests, he saw there a man which had not on a wedding garment: And he said unto him, Friend, how is it you came in here not having a wedding garment? And he was speechless. Then said the king to the servants, Bind him hand and foot, and take him away, and cast him into outer darkness; there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth. For many are called, but few are chosen. Matthew 21:42-22:14

Let us be glad and rejoice, and give honor to him: for the marriage of the Lamb is come, and his wife has made herself ready. And to her was granted that she should be arrayed in fine linen, clean and white: for the fine linen is the righteousness of saints. And he said unto me, Write, Blessed are they which are called unto the marriage supper of the Lamb. And he said unto me, These are the true sayings of God. Revelation 19:7-9


The Love and Respect Principle Men often define love differently than their wives, while women often don't know how to define respect.


Bringing New Life to Your Marriage Marital success can be found in two little words. by Carol Heffernan

It often starts with something small. Maybe she arrives home from shopping to find that the kids aren't in bed yet. She thought her husband would have realized that the family needed to get up early, so the kids needed to go to bed early.

He didn't think it was a big deal. Besides, he was playing with them and they could take a nap the following day.

She is upset and communicates this to him, but before too long, she can tell that he is upset with her for being upset with him!

When she speaks up, he rolls his eyes. He thinks she's about to nag, and she thinks he's very insensitive. And so it goes . . .

Like many couples, they never saw it coming. But such seemingly minor conflicts are like termites, silently eating away beneath the surface, until one day the foundation crumbles.

Trouble is, this disagreement isn't only about the children's bedtime. It goes deeper than that. According to author and marriage expert Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, the wife isn't just looking for a resolution on bedtime. At a certain point, she begins to feel unloved, thinking, "If I mattered to him, he'd be more attentive and would definitely talk to me." The husband, meanwhile, interprets his wife's "need to talk" as another situation that will result in him feeling disrespected as a person and thinks, "I can never be good enough."

"A husband needs respect like he needs air to breathe," Eggerichs explains, "while love is by far a wife’s greatest need."

Eggerichs, who co-wrote Motivating Your Man God's Way with his wife, Sarah, says this concept is the secret to a better marriage. Without it, couples can easily get caught up in the constant back-and-forth of complaining and stonewalling, action and reaction. Eggerichs calls it the "crazy cycle."

Carol Heffernan is the online editor for broadcast programming at Focus on the Family.


What Jesus Said About Divorce

What Jesus Said About Divorce - By DANIEL THIMONS - (Excepts: Visit link for complete column.) In the Gospel of Matthew, Chapter 19, we read the account where the Pharisees approached Jesus to test him, and offered him a challenge. “Some Pharisees approached him, and tested him, saying ‘Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any cause whatever?” (Mt 19:3) Notice, the Pharisees were not asking whether or not divorce is lawful, but rather they were asking Jesus about the appropriate grounds for divorce of which he considers to be lawful. This question was proposed to Christ by two different schools of the Pharisees. On one hand was the Hillel School which claimed that any number of reasons could be grounds for divorce as long as the man gave the woman a bill of divorce. On the other hand, the Shammai School claimed that a man could divorce his wife only for very serious reasons, such as infidelity. So, this question was proposed to Jesus to test him on his interpretation of the Mosaic Law found in the Book of Deuteronomy, “When a man, after marrying a woman and having relations with her, is later displeased with her because he finds in her something indecent, and therefore he writes out a bill of divorce and hands it to her, thus dismissing her from his house” (Deuteronomy 24:1).
   The Pharisees question is one of a subjective vs. objective interpretation of this passage from Deuteronomy. The Hillel School took a more subjective approach to its interpretation, emphasizing that it is the man who “finds in her” something indecent. While the Shammai School took a more objective approach, claiming that there arecertain definitive criteria to determine what is “indecent.” The Pharisees question is also this: Should the Mosaic Law with regard to divorce be interpreted in the man’s favor (Hillel) or in the woman’s favor (Shammai)? It is a question which places a specific interpretation of the man’s rights under Mosaic Law against the compassion and fidelity that is owed to a faithful wife.
   If Jesus answered that divorce was only lawful for serious reasons such as infidelity, those in the Hillel School would claim that he was not honoring a man’s rights in the law handed down from Moses. On the other hand, if Jesus answered that a man could divorce his wife for any number of reasons; those in the Shammai School would claim that Jesus has little or no compassion for women. This question of the Pharisees is one that continues to resound to this day. It could be summed up as a question of the law vs. love, doctrine vs. compassion, theology vs. pastoral charity.
   It is striking that Jesus does not enter this debate on the grounds that it was proposed. But, rather his answer reveals that according to the Divine plan, there is no opposition between the law and love, between doctrine and compassion, between theology and pastoral charity. Christ’s answer to the Pharisees demonstrates that God’s law is a law of love, that His doctrine on marriage is full of compassion, and that theology and pastoral charity are always united. “Have you not read that from the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female’ and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, no human being must separate” (Mt 19:4-6).
   Christ’s doctrine on marriage is one that is full of love, because it reveals the very essence of love. Love by its very nature is faithful, forever, and fruitful. Love is always grounded on truth, as it does not permit lies or deception. A temporary agreement could rightly be called a legal contract, but love knows no end. And love is never selfish or self-seeking but rather always expands in service to another. Christ reveals that a husband and wife are called to the Law of Love that is inscribed in our nature by the Creator “from the beginning.” Yet, the Pharisees continue to argue on the grounds of the Mosaic Law. “[The Pharisees] said to him, ‘Then why did Moses command that the man give the woman a bill of divorce and dismiss [her]?’ [Jesus] said to them, ‘Because of the hardness of your hearts Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so’ ” (Mt 19:7-8).
   The Pharisees response to the Divine teaching about the indissolubility of marriage is to again invoke the Law of Moses. Christ again responds by revealing the truth about marriage “from the beginning.” The concession that Moses granted which allowed for divorce was not an act of mercy, but rather an explicit recognition of the need for a savior. The people, on their own accord, were simply incapable of loving one another as God loves. Their “hearts” had become “hardened” and darkened by sin. Moses could not save the people from their sin. In the hardness of their hearts, the law of God had become burdensome, and so Moses permitted divorce for a time, awaiting a redeemer who could turn their hearts of stone into natural hearts, hearts capable of love. (See Ezekiel 11:19.)
   It is important to note that Moses was not acting out of mercy, but out of obligation when he permitted divorce. Mercy always recognizes the full weight of sin, a weight that demands the punishment of death. Christ is the One capable of exercising mercy, because as the sinless One, he accepted the just punishment for our sins and offered the forgiveness of God. Our works of mercy, the mercy that we show to others, are only true mercy if these works are connected to the Sacrifice of Christ on the Cross. Mercy always recognizes the full evil of sin, but Christ’s mercy allows sinners a new opportunity to reform their lives and live according to the truth that will set us free. (See John 8:32.)
   The mercy of Christ with regard to the teaching on the indissolubility of marriage is demonstrated most poignantly in John Chapter 8, the passage of the woman caught in adultery. We see here how the law and love, doctrine and compassion, theology and pastoral charity, are perfectly compatible in Christ’s great act of mercy towards the woman. Again, the Pharisees try to trap Jesus. But, Jesus answers in a way that is full of mercy as he clearly recognizes the truth of the reality of sin while forgiving the sinner. Christ always meets people where they are, but he never leaves them where they are. One who encounters Christ is always changed, as we can presume that the woman caught in adultery did not later return to her sinful ways following a brief period of penance.
   Cardinal Carlo Caffarra in his March 14, 2014 interview in Il Foglio, beautifully described the Mercy of Christ given to the woman caught in adultery. “For a woman caught in the very act, the demands of the Mosaic Law were clear: she should be stoned to death. In fact the Pharisees asked Jesus what he thought precisely in order to draw him into their perspective. If he had said “stone her” they would have replied: “Look, He preaches mercy and eats with sinners but when it comes to it even he says “stone her.” If he had said “don’t stone her” they would have replied: “And this is where mercy leads us: it destroys the Law and every legal and moral bond.” This is the typical view of casuistic morality which takes you into a blind alley where you have to choose between the person and upholding the norm. The Pharisees try to trap Jesus in this blind alley. But Jesus doesn’t accept their perspective at all; he says that adultery is a great evil and that it destroys humanity, also of the person who commits this act. Jesus, in order to overcome this evil, doesn’t condemn the person who has committed this act; rather he cures the person of this great evil and commands her not to enter into this evil again. “Neither do I condemn you. Go and do not sin again.” This is the mercy of which only the Lord is capable. This is the mercy which the Church, from one generation to the next, announces.”
   In the beautiful passage of Christ’s response to the woman caught in adultery, Jesus demonstrates the truth about mercy, love, and forgiveness. And, this truth about love and mercy is our hope as Christians. Christ offers us the capacity and the ability to change, “relying not on our own strength, but on the help and grace of the Holy Spirit.” (CCC 1817) Christ calls us to love in a way that we are not capable of on our own. In his Incarnation, Christ does not destroy our human nature but elevates it, revealing our true calling to live as sons and daughters of God.
   Christ’s teaching on the indissolubility of marriage may seem outdated in modern times or difficult to accept, but his teaching is clear and unequivocal, held by the Church for nearly 2,000 years. “I say to you, whoever divorces his wife (unless the marriage is unlawful) and marries another commits adultery” (Mt 19:9).
Jesus clearly demonstrates the truth about marriage, that it is ordained by God to last “until death.” Marriage reveals the truth about God’s love, a love that is faithful to the end. Truth and love, theology and pastoral charity, are perfectly united in this teaching of Christ.


Defending Marriage Between One Man and One woman

"Yet now, the very act of referring to this tradition (of marriage), of upholding it, or dare say, making any defense of the moral consensus of every civilization in human history, is often characterized as 'hate speech.'" From commencement address of Senator Rick Santorum (R-Pa) at Christendom College in Front Royal, Virginia, on May 17, 2003, defending the institutions of marriage, family, and freedom.

"Jesus Never Said Anything About Homosexuality, did He?"

"Have you not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female, And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and the two shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder." Jesus, Matthew 19:4-6

"I was in the Capitol Building on Monday and Tuesday before the vote. The phones were ringing off the hook in Senators' offices with a ratio of 10 calls for the FMA for every 1 call against. One Senator told me that on Tuesday alone his office received 4300 calls and only 300 of those were against the FMA. Supporters of the FMA clogged the Senate phone system so badly that it failed on several occasions. The homosexual lobby groups pleaded with their people on the Internet to call the Senate, but there just are not that many homosexuals. I believe those Senators who voted against traditional marriage and who are up for election this year are fearful of what will happen in November and rightly so." William J. Murray, Chairman Religious Freedom Coalition

The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands by Dr. Laura Schlessinger - For over 25 years, Dr. Laura has been "preaching, teaching and nagging" on the radio, encouraging men and women to create healthy and stable homes for children. She goes a step further in this book, The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, encouraging wives to use their power as women to create happy homes.


The Foundation Of Civilization And Society

From the U.S. Code Online via GPO Access [http://uscode.house.gov/] [Laws in effect as of January 7, 2003] [Document not affected by Public Laws enacted between   January 7, 2003 and February 12, 2003] [CITE: 1USC7] THE CODE OF LAWS OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA TITLE 1--GENERAL PROVISIONS CHAPTER 1--RULES OF CONSTRUCTION Sec. 7. Definition of ``marriage'' and ``spouse''In determining the meaning of any Act of Congress, or of any ruling, regulation, or interpretation of the various administrative bureaus and agencies of the United States, the word ``marriage means only a legal union between one man and one woman as husband and wife, and the word `spouse'' refers only to a person of the opposite sex who is a husband or a wife. (Added Pub. L. 104-199, Sec. 3(a), Sept. 21, 1996, 110 Stat. 2419.)

Marriage Goes Down, Poverty Goes Up But the decline in marriage isn’t simply something for wedding dress manufacturers and florists to bemoan. The plummeting marriage rate has severe consequences for the entire nation. Hand-in-hand with the declining marriage rate comes an increasing number of children born outside of marriage. And having a child outside of marriage is one of the greatest predictors of poverty and being on welfare. A child born to a single mother is six times more likely to live in poverty than a child born to married parents, and 80 percent of long-term poverty occurs in single-parent homes. Unfortunately, Census data show that the rate of children born outside of marriage now stands at 40 percent, the highest ever in U.S. history. This number is even greater for Hispanics and African Americans, at approximately 50 and 70 percent, respectively. Considering the strong correlation between single motherhood and poverty, this growth in out-of-wedlock childbearing is tragic. Married fathers are one of the greatest protections against child poverty. If single fathers married the mothers of their children, nearly two-thirds of poor, single-mother families would be pulled out of poverty. On the other hand, over 40 years of increasing federal and state spending on welfare programs for the poor have been ineffective at helping people into self-reliance. If Americans are serious about assisting people out of welfare and into dependence—or helping people avoid welfare altogether—it is absolutely necessary to strengthen the institution of marriage. Fortunately, there are steps that we can take to do this. First, the federal government should reduce marriage penalties in current welfare programs. Second, existent programs targeting young adults in low-income communities should promote marriage and educate them about the negative consequences of having a child outside of marriage

A 1998 study in 17 nations found married people are significantly happier than the unmarried. A five-year study released in 1998 found that continuously married people experienced better emotional health and less depression than never-married, remarried, divorced, or widowed individuals.  The study also reported that getting married for the first time significantly increases a person's emotional well-being.

"The happy State of Matrimony is, undoubtedly, the surest and most lasting Foundation of Comfort and Love; the Source of all that endearing  Tenderness and Affection which arises from Relation and Affinity; the grand Point of Property; the Cause of all good Order in the World, and what alone preserves it from the utmost Confusion; and, to sum up all, the Appointment of infinite Wisdom for these great and good Purposes." --Benjamin Franklin (Rules and Maxims for Promoting Matrimonial Happiness, 8 October 1730) Reference: Franklin: Collected Works, Lemay, ed. (152)

The Bachelor Fad: Why Men Are Choosing Singleness Researchers have been popping the question for the past decade-why are more men waiting to get married?  A study by the National Marriage Project (NMC) may hold the answers. In its report titled, "The State of Our Unions 2002," NMC attributes much of the trend to good old "commitment phobia" and men who are enjoying a sexually active single life without the social pressure to get married.   According to Mr. Popenoe, the median age of the first marriage for males has reached 27, the oldest age in our nation's history. Other reasons ranged from avoiding the expense of divorce to waiting for the perfect mate.  Women are obviously affected by the swing-raising, not only their average age for marrying, but concerns about fertility.  Let's face it. These attitudes are a direct result of the sexual revolution, which trivializes the institution of marriage and reduces the venerable covenant to a social convention that can be easily avoided, or if entered into, dissolved with impunity.  Cohabiting couples are more likely to experience domestic violence, lower incomes, greater conflict in marriage, and a higher rate of divorce.

Thinking about shacking up before marriage, the federal disease detectives say, increases the chance of divorce.

Interview: Writer/Producer of "Fireproof" - Father of Six - Has Revitalized Thousands of Marriages - But far more than the box office success, Kendrick cherishes the spectacular results of the book and film in terms of lives touched. Thousands of emails and testimonials report relationships restored, marriages saved, love recaptured, and divorces dissolved. The film and book give inspired step by step advice on working to salvage a marriage, even tackling the rampant yet rarely discussed marriage-killer, pornography.


Why is Marriage Important?
By S. Michael Craven, Executive Director Center For Decency
(Now the National Coalition for the Protection of Children and Families)

Marriage is far more profound than our contemporary culture would lead us to believe. At its best, it is a life-long commitment that restrains self-centeredness, self-indulgence and self-gratification, that restraint being fundamentally necessary for social order. When this commitment labeled "marriage" is reduced to nothing more than a mere contract between two consenting persons, it ceases to restrain our self-centered passions. This self-centeredness harms not only that relationship but others as well until it spreads throughout society like ripples in a pond. Abandoning the "others before self" concept of marriage for the self-serving concept of contractual relationships between autonomous individuals makes us increasingly narcissistic, ultimately leading toward moral and social collapse.


Love and respect your spouse and receive all the fantastic perks Marie Jon' May 3, 2006 - Forty years of feminist philosophy has brought severe reproof for just about everything the male does. If we listen to the feminists, man is evil, stupid, and unjustly tyrannical. The feminist movement, which began in the early 60's, has played a decisive role in denigrating the family. However, the main cause of family problems today is our self-centeredness. ...God gives women affectionate power. Men are born out of a women's womb. They spend their lives yearning for a woman's acceptance and approval. Man is putty in the hands of the woman he loves. Give him direct communication, respect, appreciation, good food, and good loving' and he will do just about anything you wish, foolish or not. God made women verbal creatures, which can frustrate men with an overwhelming amount of talk. Instead of expecting her husband to be "a girlfriend," the wise wife should choose the proper topic and timing of discussions. Men make terrible mind readers, so be direct. Subtle hints don't work. This doesn't mean that man is insensitive, uncaring, or oblivious. Click here for complete column. Marie Jon' is a political and religious-based writer from Southern California, and is the founder of DrawingClose.org


The Deception of Same-Sex Marriage

¶And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. Genesis 2:21-24

What the mainstream media doesn't report: The increase in children being born out of wedlock in Scandinavia since marriage was redefined! William Murray, the chairman of the Religious Freedom Coalition, warns of the dangers of legalizing same-sex marriage in the United States. He says Scandinavia has had nearly a decade of legal homosexual marriage, and it has nearly destroyed the institution of marriage altogether. More details: http://headlines.agapepress.org/archive/4/132004c.asp (Excerpts: ...In Scandinavia, illegitimate birth rates exceed 50 percent. The majority of Swedish and Norwegian children are born out of wedlock, and 60 percent of first-born children in Denmark have unmarried parents. Meanwhile, marriage rates subtly decline while, in some countries, divorce rates have skyrocketed to nearly 80 percent. ...Still, as Kurtz noted, such studies have been done. He says they showed that "throughout Scandinavia (and the West) cohabiting couples with children break up at two to three times the rate of married parents. So rising rates of cohabitation and out-of-wedlock birth stand as proxy for rising rates of family dissolution.")

The High Cost of Aids - The James Hartline Report On The Frontlines of the Culture War January 29, 2007 - The Great Rainbow Robbery: Gay Activists Costing America Billions Of Dollars In Medical Expenses To Pay For Unsafe Sex Practices  

"Same-sex" marriage. A marriage made in court.
"Goes Against Nature" 
Violating the Declaration's "Laws of Nature and of Nature's God"
The Homosexual Agenda Revealed - They are after your children
The Facts and Consequences of same-sex
Teaching our children what "goes against nature" as "normal"


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